Living with ADHD: Finding love when you have ADHD

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All relationships can have their ups and downs.  However, when one or both of you have ADHD, it can make things a little more challenging.  Forgetting to pay bills, missing appointments, the house is a mess, you’ve lost your keys and spend a lot of time fighting.  Life can be chaotic. However, this doesn’t and shouldn’t stop you from having a happy and loving relationship.  

It may be tough, and it may be hard work, but of course, that is the reality for all relationships.   If you are willing to make the effort, to face the challenge, you could find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Here are some things to consider in your path to finding love…

How to build a sustainable long-term relationship

Be yourself, don’t try to be someone else

Be honest.  This is who you are; maybe a bit quirky, unique, but be honest from the beginning.  There’s no point in trying to pretend to be someone else. If you’re in it for the long-haul, give them the chance to know the real you and fall in love with the real you.

Find your counterpart

When you think of a relationship, try looking at it as a kind of partnership.  You are both going to have your own strengths and weaknesses. However, when you come together, do you complement each other?  

Maybe you struggle with getting things organised but have a wildly creative imagination.  Imagine meeting your counterpart who is super organised but lacks ideas and inspiration!

Willingness to work together

One of the most important things about a relationship is working together as a team.  Sticking together through it all. The good days and bad days. You are on the same team.  Bickering and criticising one another is harmful and causes frustrations in the relationship.  When you are in an argument, try to adjust your thoughts and realign your feelings. Communicate with your partner to move things forward.

Build a solid foundation with honesty, trust and communication

As well as being open and sharing your true self, you should continue being open and honest with your party.  Keep building on your trust and communication.  

Communication in a relationship is so important.  Sometimes your partner may say things you don’t want to hear, but it’s their voice and opinion.  Sometimes we have to agree to disagree, but always keep the communication lines open.

Keep the romance alive

The early days of a new relationship can be thrilling.  The excitement, the giddiness, gestures and affection. For someone with ADHD, the additional dopamine boost from a new relationship can be intoxicating, but it can’t last forever.  Fast-forward a few months or even years, and things can look quite different, and certainly less likely to trigger those exhilarating bursts of dopamine. It’s easy to find that boredom or discontentment can set in.    So don’t let the romance be something that is lost.  

Everyday life can be so chaotic and busy so always make time for you and your partner to spend alone.  Whether you go for regular date nights or maybe even a weekend away. Do something to have that time together.  And don’t forget about the little things. Pet names, little notes of affection, messages of love or a small gift or surprise.  It’s like there are 3 things in the relationship, us, our partner, and the relationship itself. Remember to take care of the relationship too. 

Take control of your symptoms

As part of your own commitment to your relationship, it’s also imperative for you to do everything you can to stay at your best.  Not only will it help you to live a better life, but it will also help improve your relationship. Sometimes it seems like the easy way out to blame things on your ADHD (and sometimes it IS your ADHD!).  As much as we can expect support from our partner when we are struggling, it’s our responsibility to do what we can to be our best in the relationship. 

So, if you’re ready to take control of your symptoms and start living your best life, book in for a consultation assessment with me.  My sessions are designed to help get your brain working with you. To help you find the balance and acceptance to start living your best life.  Click here to book your appointment now or if you have any questions, you can contact me here.